Droy was my hero

Quick Jokes

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Mick Hucknell has been arrested for having sex with a rabbit, apparantly he was holding back the ears shouting bunnies to tight to mention.

TAXI!

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The wife asked me to help her the other day, "Please come over here and help me. I have a really hard jigsaw puzzle and I can’t work out how to get it started. I'm stuck."

I asked her what it's supposed to be when it's finished.

Looking at me like I'm a complete idiot, "A Tiger!", she shouts.

Grumpily, I get my arse of my chair to go and help her; she's already got all the pieces all over the table.

I stare at all the pieces on the table, then look at the box, and say, "Darling, no matter what we do, we're not going to assemble these pieces into anything even remotely resembling a tiger."

I get that look then, the one that means I've spoiled her fun for the day and will pay for it in spades later.

"Let's go and have a nice cup of tea, darling", I sigh, "then you can put all the Frosties back in the box."

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How do you turn a duck into an eighties soul legend?

Put him in the microwave until his Bill Wither's

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The wife asked me to help her the other day, "Please come over here and help me. I have a really hard jigsaw puzzle and I can’t work out how to get it started. I'm stuck."

I asked her what it's supposed to be when it's finished.

Looking at me like I'm a complete idiot, "A Tiger!", she shouts.

Grumpily, I get my arse of my chair to go and help her; she's already got all the pieces all over the table.

I stare at all the pieces on the table, then look at the box, and say, "Darling, no matter what we do, we're not going to assemble these pieces into anything even remotely resembling a tiger."

I get that look then, the one that means I've spoiled her fun for the day and will pay for it in spades later.

"Let's go and have a nice cup of tea, darling", I sigh, "then you can put all the Frosties back in the box."

:-)

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Because it's a really sick joke and if you tell women that joke you are likely to to be shown the door very quickly. Or even worse someone you told has suffered rape. or because rape is one way men try to dominate women. Shall I go on?

I just like black humor and no, I have never told this joke to a woman, jesus christ.

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I just saw that Harry Potter film. A bit unrealistic if you ask me. I

mean, a ginger kid, with two friends?

That made me giggle.

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THE TOP 5 F*CKS OF ALL TIME...........

5) What the **** was that? - The mayor of Hiroshima, 1945.

4) You want WHAT! on the F*cking ceiling? - Michelangelo, 1566.

3) Aw common honey, who the **** is going to find out? - Bill Clinton, 1997.

2) I need this parade like I need a F*cking hole in the head! - JF Kennedy, 1963.

and.......DRUM ROLL..................

.

1) We can break into the top F*cking 4 this year! - Tottenham fans, 1994, 1995, 1996, 1997, 1998, 1999, 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010, ...??????????

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Israel - Jerusalem: Wailing Wall / Western Wall

A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time.

So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site.

She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.

“Pardon me, sir, I’m Rebecca Smith from CNN. What’s your name?

“Morris Fishbien,” he replied.

“Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?”

“For about 60 years.”

“60 years! That’s amazing! What do you pray for?”

“I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims.”

“I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop. ”

“I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults, and to love their fellow man.”

“How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?”

“Like I’m talking to a ****ing brick wall!"

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My wife works in a speech therapy centre and when I ask her how her days went, she says its difficult to say.

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My wife works in a speech therapy centre and when I ask her how her days went, she says its difficult to say.

That is funny

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